


That Book

by MissMickie



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28651536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMickie/pseuds/MissMickie
Summary: Charlotte confuses real life with THAT BOOK
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker, Mary Parker/Tom Parker (Sanditon)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is very different from anything I've tried to write.  
> Have no idea where the thoughts came from but I do hope you enjoy.  
> If you can hang in till the very end you will have a HEA .  
> I'm still struggling with grammar and punctuation.  
> Forgive me please   
> As always comments are welcome.

Chapter 1 

Why do I always have to read the last page first ?   
I must close this book , turn off the light and get some sleep.   
Charlotte can’t hardly keep her eyes open.

\-------------------------------------------------

Sidney stands back and watches as the coach leaves his sight , taking her back home to Willingden. Maybe he will never see her again.  
Is what he has done to Charlotte the same thing Eliza did to him so many years ago?

Eliza passed him over for a wealthy man just because she wanted money and power. It’s not the same, he is having to leave Charlotte for money to save his family. He can’t be compared to Eliza. He will build a wall around his heart.

Will Charlotte do to herself what he did ? No, she won’t drink, take drugs, fight or gamble. But will she build a wall around her heart, never letting anyone in? Will she find another love ? I never told her I love her. The thought makes him sick to his stomach.

The pieces of his heart had come together and now it’s broken again. This time it’s worse, no longer in pieces but it’s completely shattered.   
No this can not be !! 

He mounts his horse and rides in the other direction to reach the cliff top where they had their first kiss, their only kiss. It’s a beautiful place and the memory floods his mind, his soul and his very being is consumed with her. He closes his eyes and he can see her standing there willing to give herself completely to him.

She had caused him great distress and anger over the past few weeks but was it really anger he felt ?  
Remembering the first time he saw her. New Maid indeed. He didn’t repeat her name so she would have to speak to him as he wanted to hear her voice, just once more. 

He danced with her but he didn’t hold her hand like he would later on at another dance. Her hand was flat upon his. He wasn’t pleasant to her; she was just the last lady left so he felt he had to dance with her. No that’s not right he wanted to dance with her but he didn’t want her to know. He felt something, he was enchanted by her, she was the face of innocence reminding him of Mary, he would do anything to have a wife such as Mary. 

She intruded his solitude on the balcony, at first he welcomed her but asking her opinion was a mistake. What was she thinking so freely giving her opinion, her assumptions. Trying to observe people in general, how ridiculous. He can’t have it, he must put her in her place and he is good at it. He sees the tears welling up in her eyes but he can’t do anything about it; he must go on just to make sure she understands. She has been nowhere and done nothing, she has no idea of a better way to live. He must take up for his brother. She has so little experience and understanding. He keeps his wall up.

The next day he sees her in the street but can’t acknowledge her. If he looks at her then she will realize he sees her for the innocent girl she is. He must just let her know she doesn’t exist. He’s in danger here, the walls around his heart are strong and she can’t get in.

He recalls she stops him in the street to apologize and hopes he doesn’t think too badly of her. No, he must tell her he doesn’t care what she thinks or how she feels. He wants it to be clear. She understands because she explains how he is so offensive and hurtful and if he really didn’t care he would not waste his time telling her so. She walked away saying Good Day. Was it? He had to keep those walls up stronger than before. He must not care. The walls are strong.

Ahh, he won’t think of her. He will have a boxing match that way he will have other pain to think about, not the pain she can cause. When your heart opens up it’s painful. No this can’t be. Keep the walls up.

He is to be seated next to her at Lady D’s luncheon and he just has to ask her about her observations. She lets him know she isn’t interested in talking to him, she won’t court a 3rd tongue lashing from him, he needs to try and be civil but pray not with her. He’s shocked, no one has talked to him like that. Still the armor stays up around that bruised heart. 

Playing cards and drinking with his friends at the pub, he has to stop the talk of what the women would be like in bed. No, not his guardian and certainly not Miss Haywood. Walls are still there.

He does his best to get away from it all by swimming in the sea, a naked man coming out of the water and there she was, of course it would be her. Even in Tom’s house there she is gathering something from the floor. Always popping up when least expected. He tells her because he knows she remembers what she saw at the cove. Why can’t I get away from her? The ubiquitous Miss Haywood, I can’t even read the paper in seclusion. He tried hiding but it didn’t work. She is here, there, everywhere and I can’t be seeing her. He must keep the walls up around his heart.

Why is she with Mr. Stringer ? I don’t really approve of their time together but then there is an accident. I run to help and find I must pull a strip of fabric from her shift. She took control and stopped the bleeding. It’s remarkable how she wasn’t timid or afraid to help. She helps the doctor saying she wasn’t afraid of a little blood. I look into her eyes, I have to tell her she made a good account of herself, she is capable and I didn’t expect it. She rebuts me and I ask to be forgiven. She thinks I don’t help Tom enough. But I do all I can. I invited her opinion and there is small value in what she says. I hope she wasn’t too embarrassed from our meeting at the cove. I did have to tell her as it was something I had been thinking about. Must keep the walls up around my heart.

Maybe she is starting to crack the wall. We play with the children and she suggests we might rewrite out history if we find it disagreeable. I can’t tell her I agree. The cracked wall might come tumbling down and I can’t do that.

She has a marvelous imagination, thinking of a way to get visitors by holding a Regatta. 

We take a walk with the family and I feel I can ask a favor, she’s in a good position to keep an eye on my ward Georgiana, I tell her maybe we have had each other wrong. I can’t do this because the wall is cracking now. She smiles at me, and I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ve managed to stay closed off for 10 years and the wall is up.

I leave but I come back and I want to find her to see her but she is gone, I can’t trust her after all. I knew that is how it would be but I lost my judgment for a while. I see her in the street, I’m hurt as she imitates me. I’m angry she gave me her word and it’s worthless. Then she attacks me in the street and I yell at her for all to hear. Mr. Stringer will have to take her away from me. I’m so angry, we argue I yell, yes yell and everyone hears. She speaks out of turn. That is enough and I don’t need to justify myself to her. No, the wall is strong and it won’t be broken by a small girl. I ran into her at my brother's house, we only spoke each other's name.  
She didn’t expect to see me so soon and I didn’t want to be there but I was to be a player in the cricket. The wall is up and strong.

I’m on the beach for the cricket. I see her there but she walks away. I can’t blame her, I’m not always pleasant. My brother walks away because now everyone knows he can’t pay the laborers. But she speaks up and she will play. I can’t imagine how that will go but we say yes, and we’ll carry on.  
She can play and we win, then she detects my small smile. But it was a smile, I told her I doubt it then I told her well done. I don’t like being mad and hurt by her, maybe it will be better in time. Smiling doesn't bring the wall down, I keep it up.

Georgiana has disappeared and she knows something. I know she does and I ask. She forgot , SHE FORGOT !!! She was to accompany Georgiana to meet Otis but SHE FORGOT !! I’m so angry, I ask what she knows. She tells me and I yell at her, YELL , I have to be sure she understands. If something happens to Georgiana it’s on Miss Haywood’s head. I make sure she understands. The wall is up and it’s stronger than before. 

I have to go to London in search of Georgiana then I hear a woman scream in the alleyway. It’s her, she is being attacked so I have to save her.  
Why did Mary let her come all alone? She stole away on the coach and left a note for Mary, now I have to protect her. We talk on the carriage ride but she has an idea and we find Otis. She stops me from beating him, maybe it was for the best. We continue looking for Georgiana and she has still another idea how to find her .Another carriage ride, I have to go into a brothel and she follows. I told her to stay in the carriage and she decided against it. She has never seen a place like this and my heart sinks because she knows it’s some place I know very well. She is right . She tells me I’m an outlier, she thinks I made my fortune from slavery. I despise it and tell her so. It hurts how she thinks of me. She only cares about Georgiana’s happiness. She says I take pains to be unknowable and I can’t bear two people being in love. What does she know of love ? Just what she read. I’ve been in love or I thought I was. She would sooner be naïve and insensible of feeling. I’m sorry what she thinks of me.   
My wall is still there but it’s getting some holes. I must be careful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it continues.

Chapter 2 

I find Georgiana, she is safe. What will happen to Otis ? It is no longer her concern. I explain she must put him out of her mind or she will go mad.I know about that because it’s what happened to me. I can’t let that happen again. I fear it may. We received an invitation to a masked route but she doesn’t feel sociable. I asked her later to change her mind and go, the regatta was her idea after all. She wants to apologize to me but I can’t accept it. I owe her an apology. I’ve done her a great discourtesy. I've underestimated her. She does go and is dressed in a beautiful golden gown. She would like to leave but wants my permission. She has never asked for my permission to do anything. She says she is headstrong and too opinionated. I’ve told her not to doubt herself. She is more than equal to any woman there. She says I could ask any other woman to dance but I don’t want to dance with them. The holes around my heart are getting torn open. The wall is coming down. The dance brings us together. I’m always going to remember this dance and I hold her hand in mine. It fits perfectly. But then I see her, Eliza. I go to speak to her, it’s been years and my heart doesn’t know how to deal with it.  
I must keep the wall in place. 

As I leave from seeing my ward, I see Miss Haywood, we speak and she doesn’t mind if I wait for her downstairs. She knows I am not unfeeling. I ask her to keep it to herself. How was it I showed that part of me? It’s a secret that is safe with her. The wall remains but it’s shaking. 

I see Eliza and take her to my brother's house, why would I do that? She is there and I see her across the room. I’ll always remember the look on her face, I’m almost ashamed. I don’t know what I’m doing.  
My wall is jagged but I must keep it up.

I go to the sea, must clear my thoughts. The cold water rushes around me and soothes my mind and body. I tour Eliza around the regatta, there she is in the sand with the children. For once I’m pleasant. Eliza is suddenly within my grasp but my heart may not trust her. The wall remains.

I know she will be down by the river, I need to practice with the rowboat and I make my way. A man can not step into the same river twice. Of course she knows that , it’s Heraclites. I want to see her and tell her to help me and balance the boat. I’m able to talk to her about matrimony. It is within my grasp but I have doubts. She explains it’s a matter of compatibility. Yes, I suppose she is right. I take her hands in mine, ungloved hands and it’s improper. We are alone together, it shouldn’t matter. I touch her side and we smile. Then Eliza is there on the bank of the river, she is calling my name and I jump to attention like I’ve been caught. I keep the wall in place.

All these years and Eliza was not in my thoughts, out of my heart and I found I had a fondness for Miss Haywood.

We see Susan and they are together, Eliza wants to join their conversation, they are talking about marriage but I’m afraid I have no authority on the matter. Eliza thinks Miss Haywood might be interested in a boy from her village but I know she would rather be sat somewhere reading, maybe Heraclites and everyone laughs. I didn’t mean it as a joke about her but she is offended, her feelings are hurt and leaves telling us she is a farmer's daughter who reads books. I have to go after her and explain but I can’t get the words out. She tells me I consider her a joke and asks me to leave her alone. It stings but I can’t find my words except to say forgive me. She doesn’t understand. My wall is crumbling 

I have to row in the boat contest , we don't win and Mr. Stringer’s boat wins and he lets me know it wasn’t the prize he was after and I know he is talking about her .I’m with Eliza, she has waited for me. I tried to tell her it wasn’t necessary. Eliza can’t let me out of her sight. I don’t approve but what can I say, I’ve hurt Miss Haywood and I’m around with Eliza. The old feelings for Eliza are gone not to return. The wall remains.

It’s late and Eliza has left for London and I don't go with her. I find Charlotte, I want her to know I wanted to be here with her. I’m less than perfect, she has made me aware and I want her to know I’m my best self ,my truest self with I’m with her. That is all and I leave, she is just standing there looking at me, innocent young women. The holes in my heart have been torn open now, I’m letting her in.

It’s not true, I never take walks into town but I must find a way to be alone with her. I ask her if she needs anything in town but she has a dress fitting and asks if she can walk with me. We walk going the wrong way into town.  
It’s what we both would prefer, a cliff top walk where we can be alone. I tell her I woke thinking of our conversation. She woke with the same thoughts.  
I’m closer to her now, I say her name and she looks up at me and says yes.  
I know I can kiss her and I do. She kisses me back, possibly her first kiss but it’s perfect. My walls are coming down, I can no longer keep it hidden.

We meet at the ball, she is ravishing and I can’t keep my eyes off her but I never get to have a dance, others keep me away and another asks her to dance so I just have to watch but she is beautiful and I know I love her, I know I want to ask her to accept me. I have flaws, she doesn’t care. We are back on the balcony where I first made her cry. I tell her I know what a brute I was and I’m a different man now but she doesn’t agree. I’m the same man just much improved. It would be her that caused an improvement. I’m about to ask for her hand when there is a disturbance and I have to go. It’s horrible and I don’t know it’s only going to get worse.  
My walls are down now.

There’s a fire and my brother who I always take up for hasn’t insured the work. All is lost and he will go to debtors prison so I must help fix this. I don’t know how and I don’t want to leave her but I must.  
One last kiss as I leave for London to find a way to save my brother and his family. I tell her we’ll finish our conversation when I return. She understands. My heart is wide open and exposed now. She is there, inside my very soul. I’ll return and make it right.

I can’t find the currency to keep my brother from prison. Eliza knows I’m in London and I can’t arrange for the needed capital. All the lenders say no but she messages me to her house and I go. I can’t know what she will say or do. She will let me use her money to save my family but only if I marry her. It’s not what I want but I’ve not been able to find a way.  
My heart is numb now, the walls fell, Charlotte was there and now I’ll have to tell her. The pain is unbearable. My heart is cracked.

I’m back now and I have this news, hurtful to her and to me but good news to the others. Doesn’t anyone know or understand what’s happened.  
I’ve made her cry again, the pain of it , the hurt. She understands, as she would. There is nothing I can do. I have to leave, I can’t see her any longer. 

I do have to see her at my best friend's wedding. This should have been our wedding but it’s not and it’s not going to happen, ever. I’m with Eliza and I’m not happy, anyone can see but Eliza doesn’t care she only wants what was once lost to her. She has to know I don’t love her and I never will.  
My heart aches.

Charlotte leaves for her home and I’m not there to say goodbye. I must see her one last time and I ride to find her carriage. It’s all a vicious circle. I want her to know I don’t love Eliza, she says I can’t speak like that. I have to fulfill my side of the bargain. I stand there watching her carriage go out of sight and I ride back to the cliff top where I kissed her.  
My heart will never be the same. The shattered pieces won’t come back together like the broken ones will. I’m forever lost.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte's thoughts

Chapter 3

The carriage is taking me away and I can’t look, I can’t see for the tears in my eyes they sting almost like the hurt in my heart. My mind is back on the cliff top where he kissed me but I can’t think of that. This can’t happen again. I have to build a wall around my heart. 

I help the couple in the carriage mishap and they invite me to visit their seaside resort. I’m so excited for the new adventure. My father tells me to be careful of everything but I don’t really know what everything is. 

As I enter their house I see a painting, an interesting looking man, it’s a brother maybe I’ll meet him. I meet lots of people and find that I’m too free with my thoughts. Not everyone likes that. Then I do meet the man in the painting but he is almost rude asking if I’m a new maid and he can’t remember my name so I tell him again. I’ve never had it hurt so my heart is open.

There is a ball and I get to go. So exciting, I’ve never seen anything like this. As I stand with two other ladies we are introduced then I’m left to be the last one to be asked to dance and it’s him asking me. He doesn’t seem happy about it. The silence unnerves me so I have to talk to him. He doesn’t smile, just answers. Later I find him on the balcony. He asks me, a penny for my thoughts and I’m going to tell him how I like to amuse myself trying to make people out. He wants to know what I’ve observed about him but I tell him what I see about his brothers and he doesn’t like it. I get a tongue lashing, tears well up in my eyes, I can’t help it. I ask to be forgiven but he says it’s his fault for expecting so much from a girl with so little experience and understanding. I’ve never been hurt before. My heart is not closed.

I see him in the street but he looks away. He could at least acknowledge I’m there but he doesn’t. I see him later in the street and I apologize. He doesn’t care what I think or how I feel. He is sorry but wants it to be clear. I tell him if he didn’t really care he wouldn’t take the trouble to be so offensive and hurtful. I can move on. My heart is open.

I’m invited along with others to Lady D’s luncheon and I am seated next to him. He fills my soup bowl and asks my opinion on the company. I tell him I am not going to trouble him with my opinion. I’ve had two tongue lashings from him and won’t court a third. Why doesn’t he try to be civil. I’m asked questions I don’t want to answer but I explain if I should decide to marry it would not be based on wealth but on mutual love and affection and ask him if he agrees. I take up for his ward Miss Lamb, no one else was going to say anything so I do. My heart is open. 

I go for a walk and I find Miss Lamb, I worry she is going to jump off the cliff. I help her away and we become friends. We are caught padding in the water, shoes and socks off. It’s most improper. Miss Lamb is pulled away by her governess and I continue to walk along the shore looking for seashells. I see someone's clothes and hear a rushing in the water and look to see a naked man. It’s him, will I get another tongue lashing ? He wants to know if he is never to get away from me and I excuse myself and run as fast as I can. My heart is still open. 

I see his portrait again and I’m intrigued. Then he comes into the room with his brother, I’m hiding under the desk but they see me. I’m always popping up when least expected. I leave the room. I see Mr. Stringer, he is always polite and respectful. I’m going to see Miss Lamb and run into him at her door. He is still a rude man. My heart is not closed.

I think Mr. Parker is there, Mr. Tom Parker but it’s him Mr. Sidney Parker and we exchange words. He calls me ubiquitous. Later I’m in town and I’m talking to Mr. Stringer when we hear a noise, it’s his father, he has fallen and is badly hurt. We rush over then he shows up to help. I can’t rip a strip from my shift so he does and I stop the bleeding for now. We take the hurt man to Trafalgar house and the doctor comes. He tells me to look away but I’m not afraid of a little blood and I help. We look into each other's eyes. I go outside to Mr. Stringer, his father will be alright then he comes out to tell Mr. Stringer he can go in to see his father. We are left alone in the street and he says I’ve given a good account of myself he never expected me to be so capable. He asks to be forgiven and I say how can I not. I fear I’ll get another tongue lashing but he gives me a compliment. He talked about our meeting at the cove and I wasn’t embarrassed but I was fully clothed.  
Well Then, Well Then My heart is whole.

I go to get the children for tea but they are at the waters edge with uncle Sidney and we sail the boats. He sees me thinking and asks what is it?  
I tell him my idea for visitors and we go to tell Tom. He thinks it’s all his idea but I don’t mind. Later we all go for a walk and he asks a favor of me. To keep an eye out for his ward Miss Lamb. My heart is open.

I go to see Georgiana and she lies, easy as can be and I can’t imagine it.  
She wants us to go on a picnic and tells that Mr. and Mrs. Parker are also going. I followed her only to see a man, she had planned to meet this man and I didn’t know. I stay with them for the whole of the afternoon then as we are coming back into town for whatever reason I impersonate him but he sees and hears me and he is upset. I don’t really know what is going on but he makes Otis leave and Georgiana can’t see him again and we argue. I felt they should have a proper parting. He tells me I don’t understand. We are yelling at each other in the street and everyone can hear. He screams that is enough and asks Mr Stringer to take me home. I don’t want to go , I’m upset. I think he is prejudice because of the color of a man's skin. I take a walk. My heart remains open. 

I’m so angry with him I decide to help Georgiana see Otis and I take her post back and forth. I go to the parlor to see Tom but he is there. I’m surprised to see him back and so is he. He is only here to play cricket. We are only civil to each other. I’m okay with that. I see him heading my way and I walk away. I see Georgiana and we have a plan to meet Otis. She is excited but there is a problem with Tom and he leaves and I tell them I’ll play in his place and he says we’ll play on. I have to tell him I know exactly what I’m doing and he is putting me off. I hit the ball and we win then I detect a smile but he doubts it. He sees me talking to Mr. Stringer.  
He tells me well done Miss Haywood. And I forget about my plan for Georgiana to meet Otis and now she is gone. I run to town, I know where she was supposed to be but she isn’t there. We hear news about Miss Lamb and I ask if the man was black and he wants to know why I ask that question. He knows I know something and asks then I have to tell him I had been a go between. He is angry , so angry and yells at me. I tell him what I know and he tells me if anything happens to Georgiana it will be on my head. I beg Mary to let me go to London but her final word is no. I go anyway. My heart is being bruised.

I have the address where we send Otis his post but he doesn’t live there. I’m attack in an alleyway only to be saved by Mr. Parker. He is angry then realizes I stole away on the coach. He doesn’t want me to go with him to look for her and I say please let me help but he motions me into the coach. I make accusations and we argue. There is so much I don’t know or understand. I do remember about the group Otis belongs to and maybe we can find him there. We do find Otis and get some information. Mr. Parker wants to beat Otis but I tell him to stop , it won’t do any good. I think Georgiana might still be held somewhere in London and we continue our search. We go to a house of some sort and he tells me under no circumstances to get out of the coach but I decided against that idea and I joined him inside. They know him there and I understand it’s a house of love that has to be paid for. We find Georgiana is being taken to Scotland to be married. We rush to find her and I tell him he is an outlier and takes pains to be unknowable, he can’t stand the thought of two people being in love. He says I know nothing of love. I would sooner be naïve and insensible of feelings. He looks hurt and is sorry that’s what I think of him. We find Georgiana and now she is safe. My heart remains the same.


	4. Chapter 4

He leads us upstairs and tells Georgiana he knows she feels her world seems undone. She will need to put Otis from her mind or she will go mad. I’m so confused, so naïve, I was so certain of my judgment. The second time I’ve heard about his broken engagement Tom tells me what happened. He brings Otis for a proper parting with Georgiana and I’m shocked. Something about him has changed. He has paid the debt Otis owed. I’m surprised as it doesn’t seem like him to do that. We are invited to a masked route but I don’t feel sociable .He comes to me saying Tom wishes I would reconsider and go to the ball. I owe him an apology but he won’t accept as he owns the apology to me. He has underestimated me. I do decide to go to the dance and wear a beautiful golden gown. He smiles at me and says my dress will do very well. We smile. My heart is swelling.

I’m not glad I am there. I feel bad leaving Georgiana. He repeats what I said about him being an outlier. He tells me not to doubt myself as I’m more than equal to any woman there. He is called away and I find seclusion only Lady Susan is there. I talk too much and tell her all about our journey to find Georgiana. I tell her he inspires and anger I didn’t know I possessed and yet I care what he thinks of me. Susan says I’m in love with him. That can’t be, how could that be ? He finds me and asks to dance. He could dance with some of the other ladies but he doesn’t want to dance with them. It was a beautiful dance, I felt we came together with a new understanding. The dance is over and his brother asks for a dance. I’m told he is speaking to the young lady that has caused a renewed light in his eyes. I see him talking to her. I’m stunted. My heart is still intact.

I go to see Georgiana and he is just leaving and asks if I mind if he waits for me downstairs. I tell him not at all. I tell him he must be patient with Georgiana. He is more feeling than he lets on. His secret is safe with me. My heart is swelling.

I’m building a sand castle with the children and he brings her. I’m considered a child. Susan has come to the Reguta to see me and like a clog in a clock so many have followed her. Susan speaks to Eliza and I take a walk with Mr. Stringer. I leave to set up for the rowboat competition and he comes. He asked me if I’ve ever heard “ a man can not step into the same river twice” yes, I tell him it’s Heraclitus. He asked me why he can not accept the fact that he found happiness. He thinks he is ill suited for matrimony. I tell him it’s just a question of compatibility and he says he thinks I’m right. He rows the boat then takes my ungloved hands. It’s improper but I don’t refuse, he touches my back at the side and I feel current running up my spine. Then there she is on the bank calling his name. He jumps up like we are caught doing something. I don’t understand then it’s over and he is gone. My heart remains 

Lady Susan and I are at a refreshment tent when he comes with Eliza. She wants to talk about me finding a boy in my village. Susan doesn’t think that would necessarily be the case. He says he has no doubt I would rather be sitting somewhere quietly reading Heraclitus and everyone laughs. I tell them I don’t have anything in common with anyone there. I’m a farmer's daughter who reads books and I excuse myself. He finds me and hopes I was not too offended but I was, my heart is somewhat hurt. I ask him to leave me alone and I leave. The boat race is almost ready to start. My heart feels heavy now.

Late in the evening I’m taking paperwork into Tom’s office and he comes saying he was looking for me. I did tell him I thought he would be headed back to London with Mrs Campion. He tells me he decided not to join her; he would rather be here. He knows he is less than perfect but he is his best self, his truest self when he is with me. That was all and he leaves. My heart is swelling.

He comes saying good morning and he was going for a walk and wanted to know if I needed anything from town. I do have a dress fitting and suggest I could walk with him and he says it would be his pleasure. Instead of walking into town we are on the cliff tops. I don’t want to go back, this is much more to my liking . He tells me he woke thinking of the conversation we had the night before. I tell him so did I. He was hoping we could be alone for a moment. He says my name and I say yes then he kisses me. It’s my first and I can’t describe how I felt. I’m unsure, I think yes I do love him. My heart continues to swell.

The final ball of the season and he keeps getting interrupted trying to make his way to me. Mr Stringer asks me to dance and I can’t be rude. I also can’t quit looking at him. I can see he is watching me but we can’t have a dance. Finally he is up on the balcony and I make my way to him. He wants to know if I remember the first time there and I do. He tells me he was a brute but I don’t agree. I deserved everything he said. He has a way of looking at me leaning his head to the side. He hopes he is a different man now but I tell him no, he is much improved. He calls me Miss Haywood then he says my Christian name. Something happens down on the dance floor and he leaves. I know he was going to ask for my hand but it will have to wait. My heart is full.

Then the fire and old Mr. Stringer has died. I go to see young Mr. Stringer and offer my condolences. The bad news is that Tom didn’t insure the buildings and he is in serious trouble with Lady D. Sidney is going to London and try to secure the funds to rebuild. He says when he returns we will finish our conversation. I know he was going to ask me to marry him and I wait. My heart continues to swell. 

He is back and we are all smiling but he is not. There is a sad look on his face. What is it ? What has happened ? He tells me he had planned to make a proposal of marriage but he has obliged himself to Mrs. Campion.  
I cry, I wish him every happiness. My heart is breaking.

I see them at our friend's wedding and it hurts. He doesn’t look happy but he does speak to me. I ask him about his wedding preparation and he just says elaborate. He is not happy and my heart breaks for myself and for him. This will be some sort of prison for him. There won’t be mutual love and affection. I must leave and go back home. The memories here are too much too strong. He is not there to say goodbye and I’m glad, my heart could not take it. Mary hopes I don’t regret being there and I tell her it was the greatest adventure of my life. The coach pulls away and I can’t look out, I can’t cry I just go on. Then the coach stops and I look out to see him. Has he come after me ? No, he wants me to know he doesn’t love her and I tell him not to speak like that. He doesn’t want me to think badly of him and I don’t. I once said those same words to him. He wishes me every happiness. I know he loved me. He didn't say the words and I didn’t either but we knew. My heart is broken and I build my own wall.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now it's real life and it's That Book

“Sidney, are you awake ?” 

“I am now. What is it sweetie ?” And he rolls over to look at her.

“You know I was reading that story with a sad ending. I had the most horrible dream about you breaking my heart.”

He wraps her in his arms and kisses her fully awake. 

“Want to talk about it ?” He looks at her with that beautiful grin he has.

“No, I guess not, but I woke up crying.” 

“Oh, sweetie come here, I’m not going to break your heart.”

“In the dream you were broken hearted too.” 

“Now this is getting serious. Don’t read anymore of those books.”

“Well then,” he says, “We are not going to break each other's hearts.” 

“No, don’t say that , ‘Well Then’ was in my dream.”

They lay there for a while just holding each other close, morning kisses to help wake up. 

Charlotte and Sidney had been married 3 years and soon are going to work on starting a family. Charlotte has just stopped taking the pill and hopefully it will happen soon. 

She is an avid reader, and really gets into her books. Sidney likes to read but not the books she likes. He reads more history and biographies while she reads fictions about romance. 

“Hey, don’t read any more of that book today, Okay ?”

“ Well I liked it ,I did read the last page first so I knew it was going to be a sad ending.” She could tell him line for line what went on in that book. 

“ Eliza was in my dream.” 

“What? Good God, that was a nightmare.” he tells her. 

“Really no more, don’t read that book. I’ll have to take it away from you.”

And he tickles her which always makes her giggle. 

“Don’t forget we have dinner tonight with Tom and Mary.”

“I don’t know if I can, Tom was in the dream and it’s his fault we couldn't be together. Yes it was a nightmare.” 

She shakes her head trying to clear the thoughts. Maybe a shower will do the trick.

“Sidney, are you going to make us some coffee ?” 

“Yes sweetie, I’m on my way.” 

After her shower she dressed and headed to the kitchen where Sidney is sitting watching the birds out the window. It’s Spring and everything is in bloom. 

“I was just thinking maybe it’s my hormones causing these dreams.”  
“I just quit taking the pill last week.”

“ What do you mean these dreams? You’ve had more than one ?” 

“Yes, but I don’t always remember every word and wake up crying,” she hugs his neck. 

Rubbing her belly he tells her maybe it would be a good time to try for a baby then she would quit thinking about that book. 

“I’ve just had my shower and I can’t be late for work. Could we see to it tonight after dinner ?” And he gets kisses on his neck. 

Hugging her tight he understands, he can’t be late either. 

“So tonight then ?” and they agree.

They have never tired of their love making, it was always an argument about who was best at it. You are, no you are and they go on and on.

Just a quick breakfast and she was off to work.

Sidney is a financial advisor and Charlotte is an editor for a magazine.  
They are well known and highly thought of. A striking couple always noticed wherever they went.

Charlotte’s magazine is having a 25th anniversary reunion of all the models and she has had to see Eliza a few times this week. A tall thin woman with piercing blue eyes and bleached blonde hair. 

Eliza and Sidney had been engaged years ago and Charlotte had no reason to be jealous of her yet she was.

Stopping by Esther's office she asked , “are you free for lunch?” 

Charlotte just thought she needed to talk to someone, way too much going on in her head and she can’t get a grip on it all.

They made plans for lunch. Charlotte would feel better once she talked this through with her best friend.

Have you read “Resort by the Sea” ? 

“No, I have it but haven’t had time. Is it good ?”

“No, don’t read it.” Charlotte could almost feel herself tearing up again.

“Why, what’s wrong with it ?” Esther is curious.

“You know how I’m bad about reading the last page first?”

“ The whole thing reminds me of Sidney and the trouble we had getting together.” 

“The couple argue, have misunderstandings then money trouble in his family causes them to split up. It’s horribly sad. Eliza was there too, Sidney told me I can’t read that book anymore.” 

Sidney, showers and while he was dressing he sees that book on the bedside table, picks it up and puts it in the drawer on his side of the bed. Maybe she won’t notice he says outloud, no one there to hear.

“So,” Esther says, “ It’s just a book, a fiction book, why are you so affected by it ? 

“There are parts of it that hit home.” I don’t know how to explain it but if I see Eliza looking at Sidney I’ll scratch her eyes out.”

“Good grief, that’s been over for years, before you ever knew Sidney. I wouldn’t worry about it.” Esther is almost amused. 

“Where would they even see each other ?”

“We have that dinner in a couple of weeks, all the models will be there and they’ll see each other then.” Charlotte seems upset now.

“Charlotte, you can’t think Sidney would ever be interested in her.”

“Now, tell me more about that book.”

“The couple meet in a Seaside town, they argue she has assumptions and they don’t get along. She finally figures out she is in love with him then his brother’s building project burns, it’s not insured and he will go to prison so Sidney goes off to London to try and find the money but comes back engaged to Eliza because she is a wealthy widow and I’m a poor country church mouse. 

“But Charlotte, none of this is true and it’s not a story about your life. You must not think like that.” Esther doesn't know what else to say. 

“OH NO, it says that in the book. You must not think like that.”

“I’ve quit taking the pill, could it be my hormones causing all this ?”

“Maybe I really shouldn’t read anymore of that book.” Charlotte is serious now.

“Get another book, one with a happy ending or you’ll go mad.” Esther says.

“No, don’t say that either, the book talks about going mad.” Charlotte thinks she is going to lose her mind. 

“I woke up crying and I can repeat every word in that book.”

“Eliza is in the book and it’s just odd that I’ve had to see her the past few days. Tom is in the book too and it wasn’t that long ago Sidney had to help him out financially. Don’t you agree it’s all so odd ?” 

“It’s just a book, a fiction book none of those people are real. You have to quit thinking about it.” Esther is serious now.

They finish lunch and head back to the office. They are to go over the pictures of the models and decide which ones are the best.   
Eliza and some of the other models show up wanting to be sure their best pictures get published. 

“Hello, Mrs Parker” Eliza is slowly walking up to her.

Charlotte responds but doesn’t look at her. 

“And how is Mr Parker ?” Charlotte wants to tell her it’s none of her business but decides against it. She needs to be polite and has no reason to be jealous. They pick the best pictures and the models leave. Charlotte lets out a long breath thankful it’s over. She won’t have to see her again until the company dinner.

Now she needs to get home and change, they have been invited to Tom and Mary’s for dinner and now she remembers everything Tom did to cause trouble in the book. She must keep telling herself it’s just a fiction book, these people are not real and it’s not her life.

Sidney is already home and meets her in the kitchen with hugs and kisses.

“Have you had a good day ?” he needs to know.

“Yes and no,.Eliza was in the office today. Why would I feel jealous of her ?” 

Sidney wraps her up in his arms, kisses her neck and nibbles on her ear, all while saying I love you. 

“I love you too. I even loved you when we argued all the time.” 

“That’s been a long time ago, are you ever going to forgive me and forget about all that ?” 

“I forgave you even when we argued and I did forget until I read that book.”

Laughing, Sidney tells her he might have to screen her books from now on. 

They change clothes and head out to dinner. 

“Don’t let me say anything about that book to Tom or I’ll get mad all over again.” Charlotte is serious. 

“It wasn’t so long ago you had to help Tom out with money.”

“I know but it’s all taken care of now. All his apartments are rented and his income is sufficient. I’ve checked into his investments , it’s all good.”  
Sidney assures her nothing is going to happen to them.

They still act like newlyweds, he holds her hand while driving to dinner.  
What could possibly go wrong ? 

Once in the house, everyone greets each other, the women in the kitchen, the men in the study then a knock at the door. 

“Who could that be ?” Mary isn’t expecting anyone.

“Tom goes to the door and welcomes Eliza.”

“Come in dear, so happy you could join us.” 

Mary and Charlotte come out of the kitchen to see who is now standing in the hallway. Charlotte looks like she will pass out. Mary is completely confused. Tom is going on and on about how beautiful Eliza is and Sidney just looks pissed. Tom is the only one talking and the rest are in shock. Mary asks Tom to come into the kitchen leaving Charlotte and Sidney to maneuver around Eliza. They do speak to her but no more words than are necessary.

Sidney holds Charlotte close to his side and she feels a little shaky.   
What the hell is going on ? Why has Tom invited her here and didn’t tell anyone ? It’s obvious Mary didn’t even know. All of this running through Sidney’s mind.

They know Eliza is divorced for the 3rd time and the rumors are she is looking for her next victim. Sidney knows Charlotte will be thinking of that book. It’s completely ridiculous but he knows how her mind works.  
Tom explains to Mary he forgot to tell her about extra company for dinner.  
Eliza has come into a lot of money and wants to invest in his construction business. That’s not going to sit well with Sidney because he is the one that would have to work with her. If Sidney had known about this he would have told Tom where to shove it. 

Charlotte does her best to be polite, talking about the pictures and how nice they were. That’s about all she knows to say. Eliza however just wants to pay all her attention to Sidney. She knows he is in charge of Tom’s finances and he would have to work with her. 

“Well, let's not talk business tonight,”Sidney tells her.   
Sidney plans on giving Tom an ear full as soon as Eliza is gone.   
Dinner was served and while they ate only Tom and Eliza had anything to say. The other 3 were still stunned by her presents. Finally they all left the table and Eliza had to leave. What a shame that was. As soon as she was out the door Sidney laid into Tom. 

“What the hell are you thinking brother ?” he almost screamed.  
“Well, hang on there, she called me asking about the new apartment complex and I could use some more capital to get it built.   
“It’s going to be the biggest and the best and I can expand the plans.” 

“No, I’m telling you Tom I will not work with that woman.”   
“I’m sure she has lots of money, she has ripped off 3 husbands. I’ve heard all about her deals. She will end up owning you and everything you have.”

“You can’t be serious, Sidney ?” I’ve already told her we could work something out. 

“You can count me out.” Sidney is dead serious and Tom knows it.  
Charlotte stays in the kitchen helping Mary clean up and is trying to tell her about that book. Mary stops and looks at her.  
“ Charlotte, what are you talking about ? You think your life is a fiction book?” 

“I know it sounds crazy but I can’t get it out of my head. I have nightmares and Eliza is there Tom too. And now I have to see her twice in one day.”  
“I even woke up this morning crying.” 

Mary gives her a hug and like Esther tells her it’s just a fiction story, the people are not real and maybe she doesn’t need to read anymore of that book. 

On the way home Sidney holds her hand and kisses it from time to time. Charlotte already told him she is jealous so he wants to make sure she feels all his love. They get home, it’s late so they go get ready for bed. It takes Charlotte longer to brush her teeth then brush all those gorgeous brown curls. Sidney, gets in bed first, stark naked. Charlotte comes out of the bathroom wearing a short gown and climbs in next to Sidney. Then she realizes he isn’t wearing anything so she pulls her gown off.

“I wondered how long it would take you to get that off.” He grins at her.

“Yes, we had a deal to work on making a baby.” She lets him know she is ready. 

Their loving making was always each trying to make sure the other has the most pleasure. She would be on top then he would be on top. 

“Charlotte, you know how much I love you, Right ? 

“Yes, I suppose I do,” and she kisses him all over. 

“Well let me show you,” he says in the voice that causes her to shiver.  
They spent the next hour just loving each other, then snuggling up they fell asleep. “Maybe revisit this in the morning,” and they smile.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now it all comes together.  
> Eliza gets told off.

Saturday morning all is well. Charlotte didn’t have any bad dreams. All is well in the Parker house. She needs to do a little house work, laundry and go grocery shopping. Sidney needs to see why the garage door is making all that noise and check the oil in the cars. 

Tom is calling Sidney to talk about Eliza.

“Tom, I told you I will not work with that woman. If you get involved with her you're on your own. Get a new advisor because it won’t be me.”

Charlotte hears some of the conversation and knows Sidney means what he is saying. She is relieved still she hasn’t been able to figure out why she feels jealous. 

Sidney has never done anything to cause her to be jealous. She has never even caught him looking at other women. It’s just her and THAT BOOK.

\---------------------------------------------------

Charlotte went to college with Diana Parker, Sidney’s younger sister. A few years after graduation Diana invited the classmates that still lived close over for a luncheon. When Charlotte got there she saw a picture of a man and it stopped her cold in her tracks.

“Diana, who is this? “

“That’s one of my older brothers.” 

Charlotte is thinking yes, I would love to meet him. 

A few weeks later Charlotte stopped by Diana’s to drop off some books. She knocked on the door and Sidney opened it. 

“May I help you ?” Sounding like she had interrupted him. 

“Is Diana here ?” 

“ Sure,” he leaves her standing on the porch while he gets Diana.  
“Come in,” Diana says and gives Sidney a frown.

Charlotte went in, Diana insisting she fix them a cup of tea. The girls were having tea in the kitchen and talking about the books when Sidney came back into the kitchen. He wasn’t particularly pleasant, saying he thought she was a salesperson. He said goodbye and left. Diana explained he didn’t think too highly of women but he did really have a good heart.  
The whole story about his engagement to Eliza was the topic for the rest of their visit. 

Charlotte did think he was the most handsome man she had ever seen but just a little on the cold side.

Now that they had met once it seemed they ran into each other almost everywhere. At the post office, library, even at the bank. He made a statement about her popping up everywhere and she let him know it was not on purpose. They would just glare at each other.

At the post office he thought she cut the line. She let him know that wasn’t anything she would do to him or anyone. Same thing at the bank, “Am I never to get away from you ?” 

“I’m leaving, thank you.” She said with a smirk.

A few weeks later they were both at the library. They saw each other but looked the other way.

Leaving, Charlotte was crossing the street when a car hit her knocking her to the ground. Sidney saw what happened and ran to her. He was the first person to help. She was sure she was ok, maybe a bruise or two. He picked her up to carry her out of the street all the while she is telling him she is ok. He sat her down on the sidewalk bench and took a big breath.

“Haywood, that scared the crap out of me. Are you sure you're ok ? I can take you to the ER.”

“I’m fine, thank you.” 

That was the first time they really looked at each other and neither one was angry.

“Can I take you home?” he wanted to know.

“No, really I’m fine.”

“ There’s a cafe, let's have a cup of tea and make sure you're good to drive.” 

Charlotte can’t believe he is so nice, every other time she’s seen him he seemed angry with her or even the world.

They spent some time having tea and getting to know each other a little better. He sent Diana a text telling her what happened and she insisted they come to her house so she can make sure Charlotte is ok.

That was the start of a beautiful friendship and a blossoming romance.  
They dated for a year before he asked her to marry him and she was more than happy to say yes. 

Their wedding was a simple yet beautiful affair.  
The whole Parker family loved her, so happy to see Sidney settled.  
He no longer gave Eliza a thought. He wasn’t angry, he really just no longer cared.

Charlotte didn’t have any reason to worry but THAT BOOK.  
She didn’t finish reading it, saving it for another time. She didn’t want it on her mind before the company dinner.  
She knew she would see Eliza and Eliza would see Sidney. He was more handsome with each birthday.

They dressed in their evening clothes and went to the dinner.  
Everything was going well, visiting with friends. Sidney was exceptionally handsome in his black tie. After dinner there was dancing and they were happy to be the first couple on the floor. He held her close and she would put her hand on his neck and twirl his hair. 

Finally they took a break. Charlotte excused herself to the ladies room and Eliza seeing Sidney alone at the table went straight over.

“Hello Sidney,” she rubbed his arm. When he saw who it was he jerked away. Asking her what she wanted. 

“I wanted to ask you to dance with me.” 

“Thanks but no thanks,” he told her in a firm tone.

Charlotte coming back to the table saw Eliza in her seat and turned beet red. Now that book comes flooding back. 

Sidney jumps up and walks to Charlotte, gives her a kiss on the cheek and says.” May I have this dance ?” 

“What did she want ?” Charlotte needs to know.

“She asked me to dance.”

“Please don’t give it another thought, I wouldn’t dance with her for any amount of money,” he is nibbling her ear.

“Are you ready to go home?” Leaning back he is looking at her.

“ Yes, just a minute, I have something to do.”

And she did have something to do. Seeing Eliza still at her table watching them dance. Charlotte walked over, sat down and looked her in the eye.  
Sidney is almost to the door when he looks around and sees the two women there. He just stops to watch.

“Eliza, I don’t know what you're up to but I want you to know Sidney and I are very happily married and you will leave him alone. Do you hear me ?  
“I have a lot of influence in the magazine industry and I can assure you the photos you don’t like can and will get printed.

Also, stay away from Tom. You are not going to cause a rift in this family and if you mess with Tom you mess with Sidney and all that messes with me. The word on the street is you're looking for husband number 4 and I’m telling you it will not be Sidney Parker. Do you understand ? 

Charlotte said all that with a smile on her face. 

Eliza was shocked, no one talks to her that way.  
“How dare you talk to me like that,” Eliza is livid, full of anger.  
“Your right, no one has told you how things work so I’m telling you now.  
What are you going to do about it ?”

Eliza just grabs her purse and gives Charlotte a go to hell look, she almost runs for the door. Passing Sidney she doesn’t even look at him.  
Charlotte gets up like nothing has happened, casually walks over to Sidney, takes his arm and says. “Let’s go.”  
“What did you say to her? She didn’t even look at me running to the door.”

“I just suggested she might want to rethink what she is doing. You can tell Tom not to look for her investment.” 

“Your wonderful Mrs Parker,” Sidney doesn’t know all that was said but he is proud of his wife.

This night Charlotte got ready and was in bed before Sidney. 

“Sidney, what are you doing ?” 

“I’ll be there in a minute.” he tells her.

Sliding into bed next to her. “ How would you like to work on making our baby ? He’s starting at her neck with kisses going all the way down.”

“Yes please.”

\------------------------------------------------

Weeks later Charlotte gets up to start the day when she suddenly runs to the bathroom to throw up. She wasn’t really sick but something is wrong or is it ?  
She had some of the pregnancy test strips and thought maybe it was time to use one. It changed color and she didn’t know if she was going to laugh or cry.  
She still had not finished that book, looking around she didn’t even know where it was.  
Taking her strip she went downstairs to find Sidney. He usually liked to sit at the kitchen bar and look out the window. There he was.

“Does this mean we quit trying?” She holds the strip out for him to see.  
He has the biggest grin and he gathers her in his arms.  
“No, I don’t think we need to quit trying. Are you sure?”  
They are so happy and start to talk about making plans for a nursery, will it be a boy or girl. Of course they will know all of this in due time but right now they are just happy. Looking at the calendar Charlotte sees she missed her period 2 weeks ago and an internet search tells her morning sickness usually starts at about 6 weeks.

Sidney insists she take it easy and rest.  
Late one afternoon she decides she will lay down for a while and just rest.

“Sidney, I’m going to lay down upstairs.” 

Now she is thinking about that book. Where is it ? She must finish those last few pages. 

Sidney went to see about her and she was digging around in draws looking for that book.

”Sidney, have you seen that book ?”

“Yes, I have it.” He tells her, ``You have been feeling so much better not reading it I forgot all about it.”

“You forgot !!!” Where is it ?”

Sidney gets that book out of the drawer and she asks him to read the last few pages then she will put it away and be done.

He gets on the bed leaned up against the headboard, she moves over to put her head in his lap and he begins to read.

Then the coach stops and I look out to see him. Has he come after me ? Yes, he wants me to know he doesn’t love her and I tell him I love him. He doesn’t want me to think badly of him and I don’t. I once said those same words to him. He wants me to be happy with him. I know he loves me. He tells me and holds me tight. He tells me he won’t marry her.  
We will find a way. The End. 

She looks up at him with tears in her eyes.” Did you rewrite out history ?”  
“Yes, and we live happily ever after. No broken hearts, Tom isn’t going to prison. All is well. 

“Kiss me then,” she says,” All Is Well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope your enjoyed my little story.  
> Thank You for reading


End file.
